A Healing X-perience

Last weekend I took my daughter on a tour of my alma mater; she’s in grade 12 and deciding where she’d like to go for university.

I was excited to revisit the place I’d spent four years studying for my first degree. I hadn’t been there in over twenty years and I anticipated the memories.

Stepping onto campus after so long was surreal. The residences I’d lived in, so changed and yet so filled with memories of friendships and experiences. The old-book smell of the library with its quiet nooks took me back to hours spent researching and writing. The student union building where I’d picked up care packages from home, the student pub where I’d danced many nights away. So many things I’d expected to remember, but so many more I hadn’t.

The most unexpected part, though, was the healing. In my years of marriage, my ex had belittled my education. In my head I always knew he was wrong – it was never worthless – but a part of me had forgotten its value, had taken to heart the diminishing messages.

Returning to StFX reignited the significance of having had that experience. Of the learning and the value of an education and the importance of my degree. Of who I’ve become and all that I’ve done.

I hope you have experiences that renew your sense of self, that remind you of the value of the choices you’ve made. And that every now and then, you can take a step down memory lane.

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Time for Tea

I’ve recently stopped drinking coffee. It’s an experiment to see if that is what has been making my stomach unhappy.

But this is no happy experiment.

This summer I replaced my afternoon cup with green tea. I had been eating chocolate every day with my coffee and my pants were getting snug, so it was time. To curb the chocolate cravings, I stopped the coffee at the same time, hoping to delete the association. It worked. I even started to look forward to my daily cup of green tea.

But then my stomach started acting up. I tried eliminating other items from my diet, but nothing helped. Then it occurred to me that it could be coffee.

I love my morning coffee. I look forward to it every day, savour every drop. The thought of eliminating coffee from my morning ritual was disappointing, to say the least. But I thought if I replaced it with tea, I just might be able to do it.

I expected some adjustment, knew I’d get headaches, knew I’d miss that smell in the morning, that first sip that starts my day.

I did not expect the brain fog.

Lack of coffee made me clumsy and forgetful, sluggish and unproductive.

But slowly, slowly I am adjusting to a cup of tea each morning. My energy is beginning to return; my head is clearing up. Im even starting to enjoy it, a little.

It’s not coffee, but it’s a steaming cup of comfort nonetheless.

I hope you find comfort in your rituals, calm in your mornings, and clarity in change.

Today I am grateful for beautiful fall weather, getting stuff done, and caffeine in tea form.

Currently reading: Indelible, by Amelia Saunders.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful…

For a drive through the mountains of northern NB, covered with trees green and gold.

For heavy rain on a misty lake.

For a potluck turkey dinner with family crowded into a camp.

For a walk in the woods, breathing in the earthy scent of fall.

For making memories with my parents, my sisters, my son and my daughter, and my niece and my nephews.

For a Hunter’s Moon, humongous in the early evening sky.

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with love and laughter, good food and great company.

Happy Thanksgiving! 🍁 🇨🇦

Easing Up

Two lanes cut into one, just before the busiest intersection in town. They are doing roadwork, and it seems to be taking forever.

As much as possible, I avoid the area. It’s preferable to drive an extra ten minutes around than to sit and crawl along with the backed-up traffic.

But the part that made my blood boil, that no amount of yoga or breath training could calm away, was watching while drivers raced past in the right lane and nosed their way in. I sat in my self-righteousness, seething at their ignorance, their arrogance. Getting angrier by the minute as they jumped ahead of the line.

Then I found out I was wrong.

We were supposed to use both lanes, supposed to follow along and then take turns merging into one lane. But I, like most of the drivers in this place, figured I should get into the left lane as early as possible to ensure my spot.

At first, I was indignant. How else could it be navigated, how else could the traffic actually move along?

But then I sat with it, with my wrongness. And something surprising happened: Instead of holding onto the anger, I let it go.

I still avoid the area when I can. I still get into the left lane as early as possible (after all, it’s what most drivers here are doing), but now, instead of riding the bumper ahead of me, closing the gap for anyone seemingly cutting the line, I let them in.

And I let go.

I hope you find some ease in life’s traffic jams, some right in the wrongs. I hope you let go.

Paradox

Now that I’m feeling like myself again, it seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

So many hobbies, so little time.

I want to read and knit and write and learn. I want to organize my desk and decorate for fall. I want to photograph and craft.

I’m better when I’m busy, but it’s easier being busy when I’m better.

When I was low, the hours felt long and empty. I was lonely, unsatisfied with my own company. I fell into the social media trap of comparing my life with the digital versions of others’ lives.

I tried to get busy, but nothing held my attention long enough or well enough to fill the emptiness.

But I persisted, and slowly, through yoga and meditation and many long walks on the beach, I began to heal. Through words spoken, written, and read, I found my way back to myself.

I once heard that you can’t sit around waiting for motivation to strike, you have to just begin and the motivation will come.

So I got busy, and I found my motivation to get busy again.

Currently reading: Supernatural by Dr Joe Dispenza (almost done!).

Today I’m grateful for crisp fall mornings, the changing colours, and fuzzy warm pjs.

The Write Time

I never meant to stop writing. It just sort of happened.

The last post I wrote in 2018 was mere days after I’d separated from my husband. For awhile, I suppose I tried to pretend nothing had changed, but I could not have been more wrong. My whole life was about to take a turn; it was the beginning of a series of struggles.

At first, I just kept putting off publishing anything on my blog. What could I possibly say? There was some relief at having ended a relationship that had had its fair share of problems. But no matter how I looked at it, the effects were devastating.

The silver lining? It was the beginning of rediscovering my independence, my power, and myself.

Join me as I share some of my stories about finding healing in new beginnings, and about finding magic in moments otherwise missed or mundane.

I hope that you, too, have been able to find light in dark times.

Into the Light

I lost myself for awhile.

It’s been four years since I last posted. Four years since I felt like myself.

But here I am, still standing. Standing stronger and lighter and more filled with love and hope than ever.

I didn’t know how much I was in the dark until I climbed back into the light.

I am back.

And I am here to share some of my stories, some of the hard lessons I learned, and how I found myself again.

This is a photography and life blog about finding the magic in the moments, about chasing the light.  

I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Currently reading: Becoming Supernatural by Dr Joe Dispenza

Three things I am grateful for today: The smell of the rain, the colour of the sky before a storm, and not being in the direct track of Hurricane Fiona.

All Bark and No Bite

All Bark and No Bite w

Sometimes I forget I have a blog.  Life takes over, and before I know it, weeks (sometimes, months) have gone by without an entry.

No matter how hectic things get, however, I never stop taking pictures.  My camera never gets put away.

In the backyard of the home I grew up in, there is a massive apple tree.  In spring, its blossoms are resplendent.  In late summer, its apples cover the ground below it.  Its gnarled branches have held my children while they galloped on an old tire horse, and shaded their play summer after summer.

Its age shows in its bark, but so does its strength.

Poolside

We’ve recently returned from a fun but busy trip to Orlando.  We managed five parks in six days, and hit almost every ride we had on our to-do list.  It was both exhilarating and exhausting.

I had brought my camera with me, hoping to take lots of pictures.  I had visions of capturing endless details at the parks, palm trees and tropical plants.  In reality, I only took it to two parks, and it was a challenge to capture decent shots in the crowds and the harsh sunlight.

On our first evening, however, I did manage these shots around the pool at our rental house.  The late golden light reflected in the water made for some creative captures.

View Master

I have a bin with old cameras, lenses, and filters.  I only sort of knew what was in there, having been given a few over the years, and never having had a close look at some of the smaller items.

Yesterday, while trying to find my Gorillapod, I started opening the cases to see what was there.  I was thrilled to find a multi-image filter hidden in the bottom of one of the pockets, opening up whole new possibilities of surreal images.

I wiped away the dust and held the filter in front of my macro lens to see what it would look like.  This is one of the images I made:

Point of View w

I can’t wait until the gardens are in bloom – so many possibilities!

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